My depression wont go away, I don’t know what to do anymore?
Posted: September 12th, 2010 | Author: admin | Filed under: light therapy for depression | Tags: 8 years, acupuncture, btw, delt, depression, depressive disorder, eating habits, electro shock therapy, homework, lithium, major depressive disorder, medication, memory impairment, natural herbs, pawn, physicist, physicists, psychiatrist, psychotherapists, Suicide | 12 Comments »Ive delt with depression for over 8 years (I’m 19 btw), Ive seen many therapists and physicists, psychotherapists, everyone. I have been officially diagnosed with major depressive disorder, but I believe I have minor OCD too. I had to drop out of the school of my dreams because I just cant handle homework due to the little energy I have, I currently am going to another school which isn’t so great, mainly just to keep my parents insurance, which I dont know how long that will even last, its the second day and I already am overwhelmed. I have no job, no energy, and can never think clearly. I think about suicide every day, and yes Ive talked to people about it. It the end, it seems like all anyone ever does is pawn you off to someone else, or never fully help you. The insurance has run out for seeing therapists, and I don’t see a physicist for another month, that is out of pocket btw. I have been on every drug you can think of, short of lithium. Ive even had 3 Electro Shock Therapy treatments, which made me feel better for about 2 days. I will never do that again, because of the memory impairment I suffered, not that it isn’t already terrible. Ive done light therapy, natural herbs, acupuncture, back adjustments, everything. Honestly the only thing keeping me alive is my constant battle with religion and God. Which I don’t think will last too long once this gets worse. I feel so alone.
yes, I realize my auto correct change Psychiatrist to physicist. I also want to point out that Ive tried changing my eating habits, and exercise.
Unfortunately it wasn’t the medication that took my energy, yes I’ve had many bad side effects but all were temporary, this has been ongoing long before any treatment.
Ive tried so many different approaches on sleeping. From 6 hours to 14 hours, nothing makes a difference, I just know I’m always tired out too. I honestly dont know what is fun anymore, I enjoy nothing, I used to love gaming back when my depression wasn’t as bad, but I haven’t played games in over a year now.
I also deal with social anxiety and regular anxiety all the time. So I really dont have anyone to turn to, its really hard for me to talk to anyone in real life. My parents make me feel like its all my fault I’m always depressed.
There actually was only one support group by me…an hour away…filled with much older people who I could not relate to, and I gave up on that.
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